I didn't mean to make you angry. *Sigh* Story of my life, lately. I was honestly just venting and, although it was about you, it was not directed AT you. Really, It wasn't. This might be unfair to say, but it has been a while since you had posted and it is a site that I use to... well I guess to purge. I promise you baby, I didn't mean it like that. I was tryin' to stay strong. I hear you on that Please. This healing is new and I like it. I love you Christopher, and we will make this work. Who knows what it may turn out as, but you should know and hear.. errr... read that I am always here for you. I am so sorry that you are angry all the time. Whatever you need, Elf, you can have it. AND I'll see you soon! :-)

Elizabeth

I don't know what to write but I want to write something. We are healing and we shall see. Please may this work out. Please don't let me get annoyed. Please (I think that last was for dramatic purposes)

but...

please

I don't take it for granted but Jesus Christ, I don't need it spelled out for me! I love her and I've always loved her and I haven't stopped but I have been used and I have been pushed and I have been taken advantage of so if I do stupid things and act stupidly so FUCKING what if I make it seem like I don't appreciate her! ERRRRRRR! Selfish, selfish, selfish! I'm sorry but hey I'm frickin confused here and you don't even understand me and you flip out about me not appreciating you! I appreciate you more than you will ever know! I love you and I respect you god dammit regardless even if I ever end up hating! I love you! You are wonderful!

*Sigh* Maybe it was wrong to flip out about this but I do appreciate you and I do recognize how you feel towards me but its a little hard to fully accept it when I'm so hurt and you don't even know whats wrong. Don't bold things out for me, cause thats not fucking fair. *Sigh* okay it can be fair but I'm still pissed. I don't deserve that. I recognize the passion but it doesn't override the pain.

I love you and I have always recognized it even though I sometimes question it cause you don't know the real problems sometimes. But I'll work on telling you. *Big Breath* Promise. Whew. That was tough. Okay, I mean it. Talk to you later love.

Chris

"A Woman's Worth"

...She walks the mile, makes you smile, all the while being true
Dont take for granted the passion she has for you
You will lose if you choose to refuse to put her first
She will if she can't find a man who knows her worth

'Cause a real man knows a real woman when he sees her
And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
A real woman knows a real man always comes first and
A real man just can't deny a woman's worth

No need to read between the lines, spelled out for you
Just hear this song cause you can't go wrong with your values

(Alicia Keys)

I keep your picture beside my bed
And I still remember everything you said
I always thought our love was so rare, I guess I was wrong
Always thought you'd be by my side, now you're gone
(And I'm not tryin' to hear that sh*t)

What I wanna know baby
If what we had was good
How come you don't call me anymore

Still light the fire on the rainy night
Still like it better when you're holding me tight
Everybody said
Everybody said that we should never part
Tell me baby, baby, baby, why
Why you wanna go and break my heart ...
(Alicia Keys)

*Breathe* Maybe it will all be alright. "Things fall apart so they can fall together" - Dan Zadra (approx. quote) I have a new bike, mushey heart and a beautiful campus. Why do homework?

I am finally back here. At my home. Significant, sacreligious FPC. For the first time in a while, I am breathing. Alone. WIthout assistance. But Jesus! There is always stuff to bitch about, right? This insecurity is killing me. I'm doing it my way, like I always preached, but WTF? I don't know if it is good enough. Good enough.. hmmm... not enough for pressure people, but for my goals. As ususal, it all ends with me. Fuckin' princess. Good enough for the grades, for the right to breathe alone on the quiet wood, for US, for my eccentric and amazing Christopher. Good enough to be the right kind of person. The kind of person I want to grow up to be! (Yes, I am just shy of my 20th B-day!), A person who listens. A person who can really help her dearest friends when they need her. A person who finally, eventually learns that the world is better shared, and not controlled... Good enough to lie in the dark and sleep, long, silent and deep.